Canada to dump ‘Liberal’ maple leaf flag in major ‘re-branding,’ PM says

Canada’s new national flag! God save the Queen!

Canada will drop its distinctive Maple Leaf Flag and resume using the Red Ensign, Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today.

“Renaming the air force the Royal Canadian Air Force and spending a few million dollars on new pips and crowns for the Army and brass loops for the Royal Canadian Navy has been really great for morale,” Harper said in an impromptu news conference in Ottawa.

“It’s a wonderful reminder of our glorious colonial past that strengthens the link between today's service members and the previous generations of heroes who bravely served our country,” Harper told reporters. “So we thought, why shouldn’t all Canadians have a morale boost like that?”

The prime minister added: “Anyway, I just don’t feel as good about the Americans since they threw Conrad Black in jail and put a guy who’s practically a socialist in the White House. Since I’m Canada’s decider, I decided that if the Red Ensign was good enough to be Canada’s flag through two world wars, it was good enough to be our flag now. Plus, it wasn’t designed by a Liberal!”

The Red Ensign will be made Canada’s official flag as soon as Parliament meets again in the fall, while his majority government is still intact, Harper said.

“And if we manage to get another majority after that, we’re thinking of making God Save the Queen the national anthem,” he concluded. “We’re completely re-branding Canada."

All Canadians over the age of 12 will be given a gorget to celebrate the change in flag, the Harper Government said in a news release.